Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Because I'm Happy

I started a weight loss program this week and I'm miserable. I really hate counting, tracking, and all that other stuff that goes along with trying to figure out something new like this. I've done the same program before, and it worked. I think the difference is that before, I was really motivated to lose weight. This time it feels like a "should"...a chore. I'm doing it, not because I necessarily want to; it's more like I feel as if I need to. My heart's not in it. I'm much more calm and happy when I'm fat.

This morning I felt frustrated, aggravated, tired, irritable, cranky and defeated. I had set the coffee pot to automatically brew at 6:00am and it failed to work (more like I probably failed to set it correctly). I usually stop at Dunkin' Donuts on the way to work for my coffee, but I thought that preparing my own (with skim milk...oh boy, yay) would save money, time and get me into a better habit. I didn't make good use of my time and ended up stressed. AND I had to make the coffee. AND it was a bad hair day. AND it was raining. AND I was running late. AND, I decided, I really didn't want skim milk in my coffee! I wanted my Dunkin' Donuts with EXTRA WHOLE MILK! Coffee with skim milk? I may as well dump water in it. I hadn't even done this thing a week and I was already hating it. I wasn't giving up the coffee I love in the morning.

I found myself muttering as I tried to get out the door. Stupid hair. I hate my hair...I can't stand this...I hate this...I'm so miserable...

Then I realized that I determined my own mood. I could say, "I'm so miserable," believe it and live it all day, or I could say, "I may be miserable now, but I'm going to positive from here on out." 

I confess that I did not do that. Well, I did. I said it. But I went right back to being miserable. It felt good to wallow in my self-pity for awhile. Poor me...I'm fat and have to do this horrible weight loss thing.

I got to work and saw a coffee cake sitting on the table. Great! (I chose not to indulge).

Then, someone sent me a one-hour video of the Happy song...the one from Despicable Me by Pharrell Williams. It's basically the song played over and over with different people dancing and singing to it. How could I stay miserable listening to and watching this? 

Happiness is defined as feeling or showing great pleasure or contentment. Some synonyms are: lighthearted, cheerful, satisfied, delighted, untroubled, pleased, content...you get the idea. Everything I was not feeling or showing. 

Perhaps I was feeling miserable because I had to give up my will and my desires for eating whatever I wanted to eat. I'll bet if I start to lose weight, my perspective will change. For now, I don't have to like it, but I can still be untroubled, satisfied, content, lighthearted...happy. I get to choose.

Blessings Along the Path,

Song of the Day---of course...Happy!---and, by the way---this has changed people all over the world---people dancing and singing to their own happiness! How refreshing!
Happy (I Am) Pharrell Williams
or, if you want the longer version:
Happy (1 hr version) Pharrell Williams

1 comment:

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