I woke up mad. I'd gone to bed mad.
I'd spent over 2 hours creating, writing, editing and perfecting my blog post. It was good too! And somehow, it disappeared. Totally, completely disappeared off the page. I must have hit something that I shouldn't have. There was no way to retrieve it. I was so mad! And my husband was not at all sympathetic to my plight. He was immersed in something on his iPad and grunted, "Oh." when I told him what happened...well, rather when I spouted into the air what happened (and expected him to be listening, putting down the iPad and lovingly saying words of empathy and encouragement).
I thought of re-writing it while it was still fresh in my mind, but it was 11:30 at night and I was too tired to care (much). I still haven't written it because a) I'm supposed to be working b) I'm complaining on this blog about the very blog that disappeared and c) I'm afraid I won't be able to re-create it perfectly, thereby rendering it unsatisfactory.
I was actually surprised that I was able to let it go. To get up and walk away, for the most part without slamming things, throwing the computer across the room or mumbling curse words (well, I may have mumbled one or two while walking down the hallway to bed). I was equally surprised at how quickly I forgot about it and went to sleep. Normally, I stewed, thought about it, stewed some more and generally lay awake thinking about how mad I was. I was actually able to put it out of my mind and just sleep. Aw...I'm growing up!
I mean...it's a blog! It's not like someone stole my promotion out from under me, or said something mean to me or spoke unkindly about me (excuse me while I warm up for my solo...me,me,me). I couldn't get mad at anyone for something they did or didn't do. I was mad at the blog for heaven's sake! How stupid is that? On some level, I suppose I understood that and it overrode the anger. The blog didn't do anything. The computer didn't even do anything. I did. And it was accidental.
Funny though, I instantly remembered my anger and frustration as soon as I awoke. I slept well, but it was as if I said to myself before I was even coherent, "Self, we need to remember that we're mad today, right? Now, don't forget! And for Pete's sake, look sad, would you?"
Well, let me tell you...I had to really work to put aside those feelings of frustration and anger, both the night before and that morning. If I thought about it, I would dwell on it. If I dwelled on it, I would be inviting all those feelings back in. And as I said...it's a BLOG for heaven's sake! Is it really worth losing my peace over? I think not.
Is anything worth losing your peace over? When you wake up still mad or sad from the night before, how much time are you spending remembering and trying to drum it all up again? Why? Doesn't it get exhausting trying to remember? Isn't it easier to just forgive...and forget it..and move on? Sure, some circumstances are more hurtful than others. Some things that happen the night before are devastating--- loved ones or even ourselves, who receive a cancer diagnosis, are sick, dying, addicted, wounded and otherwise in need of deliverance or healing, death of loved ones, and other catastrophes. Please don't think I'm diminishing that. It's the little things, the "little foxes (S of S 2:15) who steal our joy. And boy, would satan love to keep us just a little mad and just a little sad, because if we're just a little mad or just a little sad we won't want even just a little joy. We'd rather feel sorry for ourselves, thank you very much!
As I was driving to work, the song, Joy, by Phil Wickham came on from my playlist. I had to laugh it was so ironic!
Don't let the little foxes spoil the vine, for the grapes are tender. Don't let a little mad and a little sad keep you from even a little joy!
And for those of you struggling with something bigger--- it is possible to feel joy when you're otherwise sad...remember that God is in control. No amount of worrying will help. Don't be mad at God-it's a dangerous thing to be mad at the only One who can help you (Joyce Meyer).
Well, I have to go now to attempt to re-create my "perfect" blog from last night. If it doesn't come out just right...oh well. Look for it tomorrow.
Blessings Along the Path,
(Song of the day is in the link above)
Friday, August 22, 2014
You Can't Have a Little Joy When You're a Little Mad
I'm a person of creativity. I've always loved to entertain people, and especially, to make them laugh. I don't mind being the guinea pig, the one who is singled out to break the ice. I write what you think but don't want to admit. I'm a word nerd and a grammar geek. I love musical theatre, hiking, and worshipping my Lord, my King-the King of Glory. It's my desire to bring hope and healing to hurting individuals-or perhaps just to provoke thought, to give an encouraging word to get you through the day-through everyday situations and insights into God's Word.