The other night I was watching my favorite crime drama. One detective was sitting at her desk, and the other came in and said, "Are you still here?" Now, that was an obvious question. She's still sitting there, so she's still there. It was the way he said it that sounded obvious. He asked, "Are you still here?" like a direct question that needed an answer, instead of the incredulous, "You're STILL here???" That's why it hit me as a stupid question.
My bank session on the internet only allows me a certain amount of time if I don't show any movement on the site. After a time of inactivity, I'll get a message that says, "To protect your security, this page will log out in ___ seconds. Are you still there?"
It's a question I find myself asking God recently, but mostly in the incredulous fashion. When I couldn't sleep and I ended up throwing a bit of a fit because I lost my peace and gave in to my anger and frustration. "You're still here?" I shouldn't be surprised, but I am.
When I messed up my "healthy eating" plan last night and gave in to my hunger while I shopped (never do that!) and bought sweets...then proceeded to eat them at 9:30pm, after I'd been told by the doctor to not eat anything 2 hours before bedtime. I gave in to my craving. "You're STILL here?"
When I failed to pray each morning and instead read my emails, many of which were devotions, and God-related blogs. Still, it wasn't intimate time with Him. Maybe because I felt guilty from the fit-throwing, binge-eating self-centeredness. Maybe subconsciously, I didn't feel "worthy", so I figured that ignoring God was better than trying to get right with Him. Guilt. Shame. "You're STILL here?"
Until I realize that I need Him. I desperately need Him. I can't do life without Him. I can't muddle my way through because I mess up even more. Grace is not my forte or strength. That's why I so desperately need His. And even if I was full of grace (as my namesake was), it still wouldn't be enough. Then I find myself asking, like the bank website,
"Are you still there?"
Just because there is no movement on the website, doesn't mean I'm not still there. I might be balancing my checkbook, or doing similar bank-account related work. If I'm still there, I will obviously click on "Yes" and we will continue. Similarly, just because we don't see action or movement with God, doesn't mean that He is not there. He is observing. He is still working. It might not seem that way to us, but He promised never to leave us, or give up on us (Deut 31:6, Heb 13:5).
That's important to know---the give up on us part. I've heard and repeated that verse countless times...I will not leave you nor forsake you. But the word forsake never really resonated with me. Until I just looked it up and saw that it means, "give up on."
He will never give up on me even after I've given up on myself. Even after I've doubted myself and my calling. Even after I've pitched a fit and then felt guilty afterwards. Even in the darkness and in my sin. Even after I gave in to my craving. Even after I have given up on Him. Never.
That's why the question, "You're still here?" is so obvious.
Blessings Along the Path,
Shared with Holley Gerth at Coffee For Your Heart , Woman to Woman's Word-Filled Wednesday Link-up, Essential Thing Devotions, and Laura of Missional Women (Faith Filled Fridays)
Song of the Day (I do not own any of the content)
Not for a Moment (Meredith Andrews)
Thursday, September 4, 2014
You're STILL here?
I'm a person of creativity. I've always loved to entertain people, and especially, to make them laugh. I don't mind being the guinea pig, the one who is singled out to break the ice. I write what you think but don't want to admit. I'm a word nerd and a grammar geek. I love musical theatre, hiking, and worshipping my Lord, my King-the King of Glory. It's my desire to bring hope and healing to hurting individuals-or perhaps just to provoke thought, to give an encouraging word to get you through the day-through everyday situations and insights into God's Word.