I was reviewing the bank balances in my mind, and realized, Hey, wait a minute...we're short $1,000 in our Mortgage account (the checking account designated to pay the mortgage, taxes, etc.). And I have to pay the mortgage after this paycheck. How did that happen?
I "sat bolt upright in my bed," and grabbed my phone, quickly logging on to the bank website (gotta love technology!). Yup! Sure enough, there it was, glaring at me. The balance, minus the $1000 that should be in there.
It happened because we transitioned from having the bank hold our tax money in escrow to paying our own taxes. I figured it all out and we should have come out ahead of the game. I went over and over the numbers countless times. I even made a makeshift spreadsheet. But I forgot that I tapped into it for Christmas presents, renewing the passports ($110 each!) and a few other things...including the taxes.
My stomach churned. We have a cushion in the account, so the mortgage will get paid. It will just leave us with...well, $1,000 less...in the account going forward. Not the end of the world, but it could be the end of my job as the Accounts Manager of the House of Flaherty...that is, if there was someone to take my place. My only competition doesn't want the job.
Did I beat myself up for messing up the calculations I'd so diligently went over and over?
A little. But not for long.
Did I worry? Did I lose sleep? Did I have dreams of foreclosure? Did I lie awake trying to figure out how to replace the money that wasn't exactly missing, but had just been displaced?
Many years ago, my father told my mother this bit of advice when she lay awake worrying:
What good is worrying going to do in the middle of the night? It won't change or solve anything, so you may as well go to sleep.
I never forgot that. And I never let worry steal my sleep.
Menopause, yes. Worry, no (Well, to clarify, I don't actually let menopause steal my sleep. It just does...and I don't worry about it. I just go with it).
I recently read somewhere that worry is not trusting God.
That makes sense.
When we worry, we take the situation back from God. We're making ourselves a little god, putting ourselves above God, by saying, "You know what God? I don't think you can do this. I think you might need my help. I'll take it from here."
Can any of you add a single hour to the length of your life by worrying? (Matt 6:27)
Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matt 6:34)
Isn't that the truth! Each day has its own worries. But do you see...the DAY worries...not the person.
Matthew 6 is loaded with "do not worries." Jesus tells us to look at the birds. Right now, the ground here in New Jersey is covered with snow. But I don't see any birds wringing their little bird hands, nervously waiting by the snow-covered grass wondering where their next worm is coming from. I doubt they toss and turn in their nests, wondering with wide eyes opened all night where they'll get the sticks to add on to their nests when the babies come.
But I can't help it, Mare. I've always worried. I'm just a worrier.
Yes, you can. And no you're not. Those are excuses to hold on to your worry.
You can help it by simply turning your thinking; by making a choice.
- Choose to trust. Let God deal with it.
- Choose to break free from the patterns of the past.
- Choose not to slap a negative label on yourself!
- Choose not to lose sleep over a situation you have no control of in the middle of the night. Get the sleep your body needs in order to deal with the situation the next day, if necessary.
- Choose to fight the battle in your mind!
- Choose to declare yourself a victor, not a victim!
- Choose to think instead on "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable; if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things." (Phil 4:8)
Does what you're worrying about fit into the choices? Does it fit into the things in Philippians 4? Chances are, if you're worrying, then it doesn't.
Make a choice to change today. Don't let worry steal your sleep, or your peace.
Blessings Along the Path,
Sharing this post with Monday Musings, Playdates With God, Sharing His Beauty, Good Morning Monday, Testimony Tuesday, Unite,, #RaRaLinkup