Monday, June 8, 2015

When My Way Isn't the Right Way

You may remember my post a couple weeks ago about failing to be optimistic...to be honest, it was more about my trying to do things my own way, which led to an argument with the Hubbles.

I know I said I was taking a break, but I just HAD to share this story with you, because of the irony.

In case you missed that post, or have forgotten, I'll give your the condensed version.

Two weekends ago, the Hubs and I took a hike. I decided that there was an easier, more direct route to the park than the directions the Hubster had printed out, so I went that way...only it wasn't easier and it wasn't more direct, and we ended up lost and arguing. 
An actual sign on a trail in Puerto Rico
Well...this past weekend, Brian and I began our journey on the New Jersey section of the Appalachian Trail...72 miles. It's our summer project.



We were very excited to begin, and I pretty much left the planning up to Brian. He's the map man. Since the AT is a continuous trail, each section we hike would be a two-car trip. One car is parked at the end, then we both travel in the other car to the beginning. 

Things were going along just fine the morning of the hike. After a healthy and filling breakfast, we set out. Only I didn't know where we were going, so I asked him. 

"Just follow me," he said.
"Well, what if we get separated? Shouldn't I at least know where I'm going?"
"Sure," he replied. "I'll be taking 287 to 23 North..." 
He rattled off a whole bunch more directions. But I'm not auditory, so after "Route 23," I was lost.
"Huh?" I said.
"Just put Waywayanda State Park in your gps."

I told my phone to find directions to...yeah, that weird place with the Indian name. It tried to give me directions to Way, way yonder...which could be anywhere, quite frankly. So I typed it in.

"Hey, guess what?" I said to the Hubster.
"What?"
"It's telling me to go the same way I went last time." 

I just grinned.

The Hubs didn't find it so amusing. He started to balk, and I cut him off.

"Don't worry, I learned my lesson. I'll go your way."

Well, don't you know that little Google lady tried to get me to turn left at EVERY side street along the way in order to go that "other way."

She was clearly taunting me!

When we got stuck in traffic, I got antsy. Why was there so much traffic at 8:00 am on a Saturday? If we went that "other way"...MY way, we wouldn't be stuck in this traffic and going through all these lights.

The whole way, I thought, My way would've been quicker. My way would've avoided all this traffic.

My way...my way...my way...I was still at it! I had most definitely NOT learned my lesson!

And right there in my car, I had my first epiphany of the day:

I didn't like not being in control. 

I wanted my husband to take charge, but I still wanted to have control. It doesn't work that way. I can't have both!

If I let him take charge, I have to let him have control too. When I attempt to take that away from him, I am telling him things like, 

"You're not doing it right. I don't trust you. You're not good enough."

Essentially...

"You're not man enough...You're not enough." And that is a horrible message to send to your husband.

That was an ugly epiphany.

When we got to Waywayanda State Park, which really did seem like it was way, way yonder, I had my second epiphany. It wasn't as ugly, nor nearly as complex. It was simply this:

We got here, didn't we?


The Hubbles at the starting point (Abram S. Hewitt State Forest)
looking for the blue trail marker
(which was on a tree higher up, hidden).
The blue trail (which was about 1.25 miles...straight up!)
would eventually bring us to our beloved AT
"Allowing" my husband to lead down the rock scramble...our first obstacle...
Brian got us here, didn't he?
From the other side. It was only about 6',
but from above it looked more ominous.

It may not have been the way I wanted, but we got here all the same. It doesn't matter how or what route we took. We got here and that's really all that matters. It doesn't always have to be my way, and I don't always have to make a big deal about it. 

Why can't I just let people be who they are?

Control...ugh!

I learn an awful lot on these hikes (often before they even start)! I have a feeling I'm in for some serious summer lessons! I'll be sure to keep you posted with tales from the trails.

Blessings Along Your Trails,
Mare

If you have time, please watch Frank Sinatra, as he sings my (former) theme song...My Way

Sharing this post with Winter at Me, Coffee and JesusSusannah at Faith and Fellowship, Laura at Playdates With God, Joan at Sharing His Beauty, Holly at Testimony Tuesday, Kelly at #RaRa Linkup, Holley at Coffee For Your Heart, Beth at Wedded WednesdayDeb at Blessing Counters, Arabah Joy at Grace & TruthBarbie at The Weekend Brew, Janis at Sunday Stillness,  Crystal at Thriving Thursdays

21 comments:

  1. Control is so hard! Love your thoughts on this!

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    1. The hardest part of control for me seems to be keeping my mouth shut! Thanks for stopping by

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  2. Control is an ugly friend, and one that I've been close friends with for a long time! Ugh! Thank you for these wonderful thoughts. I need to let go of some of those things and let my husband know that he is enough!

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  3. You know, Dana, my husband is such a sweet and gentle man, that when I wound him with my words and actions, I really feel bad! It makes it easier to swallow that control when you have a man like that...one I am truly grateful for! Thank you for your kind words.

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  4. Sweet thoughts and lessons, on life's trail. Like the analogy, too. Glad I came by, you're my neighbor at CoffeeformyHeart. Blessings!

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  5. Thanks for taking the time to visit, Sandra.

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  6. Oh Mary, I understand. Control has been a hot topic on my radar lately. I'm thankful for the hop over here from Blessing Counters. It is a joy and encouragement to read your post. Hike on...without control, of course! :-)

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  7. thanks, Kristi. I don't think we're ever "fixed"...it's an ongoing process. Good thing, too, or then we'd be perfect, and in no need of our Savior!

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  8. I loved your comment - " the hardest part is keeping my mouth shut." Oh can I relate. Loved your photos. What a beautiful place.

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  9. Going back tomorrow, Deb for the second leg. We average about 5-8 miles each time, so it will take us quite awhile (72 miles in all). We're really enjoying this. Let's hope I don't have to eat crow again tomorrow!

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  10. "It doesn't always have to be my way, and I don't always have to make a big deal about it." That's a hard lesson to learn, isn't it? What is it that makes us want to be in control? We need to realize that even when we think we are in control, we aren't really. May God help us to trust Him and to "just let people be who they are." Great post! I'm visiting from #TheWeekendBrew

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    1. Thanks for your kind words, Gayl. It is a hard lesson to learn, and I'm still learning. I had an opportunity this weekend to choose to shut up, and I did! AND, I'm glad I did, because it turned out that I would have been wrong!!!

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  11. You learn a lot of inside things when you go outdoors, right? Great lessons. :)

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    1. I do, Lux! I get my best ideas in the woods too. Maybe because the distractions are gone. Always good to see you here!

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  12. What a great adventure! Now for the control piece-I get that! Yes I have been there done that but then again who doesn't think they know best? Blessings to you along the way and thank you for sharing this at The Weekend Brew. I always love seeing you there.

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    1. Thanks, Mary. The older I get, the more I'm learning to listen to others. When I insist that I'm right, and then discover that I'm not, that Humble Pie tastes awfully bitter. I'd rather abstain from eating that pie.

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  13. I find myself in the same situation as you! I want my husband to lead but I want control. So glad you linked up at #wordswithwinter

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    1. Thank you Winter. I'm taking a blog break to focus on other writing projects right now, but when I return, I'll be sure to link up again with you.

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  14. Glad I discovered you, Winter. Will be taking a blog break for awhile, but will find your linkup when I return.

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  15. Haha, oh yes, I find myself wanting "my way" often (even in something as silly as what directions we take when driving)! It really is about control. Thanks for sharing this at Grace and Truth this past week!:)
    Jen @ Being Confident of This

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  16. Thanks, Jen. This seems to be a recurring issue each week on our hikes, so I've "let" my husband be in charge of directions, and I follow, trying to keep my mouth shut. Oh, it's sooooo hard sometimes!

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