Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Lessons Learned While Lying Face Down in the Dirt

Hubbles and I recently took a mini vacation. That term is actually silly, because our vacation wasn't mini. We didn't get into a small car and go to a little resort and sleep in tiny beds. The only thing that was mini was our time. But I digress, as usual.

We opted for the mountains instead of the beach and stayed at our favorite B and B in the Catskills. The first day there was more like fall than summer, in the low 60s, a perfect day for a hike. 

We were walking up a path with lots of small, loose rocks. Nothing difficult. You just had to watch where you put your foot. I tripped on a rock and pitched forward. I kept trying to get my footing, but my center of gravity was off, and I fell forward. Trust me, it's not a pleasant feeling to be flying slowly toward the earth with no wings. 

I waited for my prince to come to my rescue. As I lay among the rocks, I wondered if he'd gotten lost on the way, or perhaps ran back to find his trusty steed, the white stallion on which I would be whisked away.

Nope. I turned around, and he was standing there waiting for me to get up. Since I wasn't being rescued, I did the next best thing. I cried. Yup. I sure did. I wasn't physically hurt. Just emotionally. If you, dear reader, had been behind me, I most likely would have turned around and shared a smile with you until we both burst out in laughter.

Why are the rules different with spouses? Why do I want "saving" when I exude an independent nature? And how is my poor Prince Charming supposed to know when to save and when to back off?

I think it's because we have different rules with our loved ones, especially our spouses. Higher and unspoken expectations. 

But is that realistic? And is it fair?

Well, no. And no.

I expected my prince to...well, to be honest, I'm not sure what I expected in those moments of shock at finding myself face down in the dirt. But I expected him to know what it was I needed, even though I couldn't even name it. And when he didn't, I felt he had let me down.

Poor Hubbles. 

How unfair that was to him. How wrong it was of me. I had to apologize. I seem to do that a lot on these hikes. God is always at work on my attitude in the woods. I suppose it's because that's where I'm quiet and my mind is still. 

The easiest way to avoid hurt feelings (for either spouse) when the white horse is back at the barn is to simply shout from the earth, "I'm okay!" That way, there are no unknowns. It's called growing up.

Navigating through the unknowns: the un-spokens, the un-fairs, and the un-realistics is all part of maturing in a marriage and as individuals.

We need to admit the un-truths so that we don't become un-glued.

Later, I fell again. Face down. In a stream. 

This time, my prince rushed to my aid (a little too quickly) because of my prior overly dramatic post-fall meltdown. It must have been hard for him not to laugh, considering I fell face down in a stream. 

I would have laughed at me if I weren't so busy yelling, "I'm okay! I'm okay! I'm okay!" 

And all the while my prince was yelling, "Are you okay?! Are you okay?! Are you okay?!"

We're both still learning. It's all about balance. 

Yeah, excuse the pun.


Blessings Along the Path
Mare

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This post was shared with Kelly at #RaRaLinkup, Holly at Testimony Tuesday, Beth at Wedded Wednesday, Jennifer at #TellHisStory, Holley at Coffee For Your Heart, Deb at Blessing Counters, Arabah Joy at Grace and Truth, Nina at Thursday Favorite Things, Barbie and Mary at The Weekend Brew, Janis at Sunday Stillness

21 comments:

  1. There is a process to learning how to best meet each other's need isn't there? Mary I loved this. Honest. Encouraging. Yes, it is all about balance! :-) Blessings!

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    1. Thanks, Deb! I've missed linking up with you-I've been away from blogging for a few weeks, so I'll look forward to getting back to Blessing Counters on Friday! Thanks for stopping by to visit.

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  2. Oh, my goodness, Mary! Your description of yourself fit me all too well.Thank for you for your much needed insight. I will remember your words and learn from them... and my husband will probably be forever grateful! It was also such a beautiful reminder that I too often lean on my husband to rescue me when I need to lean on Christ as my Savior. Such a blessing to visit as your neighbor today at the #RaRaLinkup.

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  3. Janet, you are so right-we need to lean on Christ as our Savior. I didn't focus on the spiritual today, but that is right on! Thanks for stopping by. BTW, I love your blog, especially the nevers--I just wrote a story about the shouldas/wouldas and couldas.

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  4. We never stop learning in marriage. I can completely relate. My husband isn't always quite sure how to react with me either, even after 15 years together. This: "But I expected him to know what it was I needed, even though I couldn't even name it. And when he didn't, I felt he had let me down." I get it! I really do. It's so unfair to our hubbies, but hard to resist in the moment. Blessings to you both!

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    1. I'm still doing it, Candace. I caught myself last night--too late, I'm afraid. My prince never seems to tire of my antics-I don't think I could stand me if I were him! Haha. Thanks for visiting.

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  5. I love your easy style of telling a story! I was chuckling at all the right places! :) Admitting the untruths so we don't become unglued, seems to be an area that many don't take the time to understand in any relationship. We expect perfect and ideal way too often. I am so glad to see you today because I feel like I haven't "run" into you lately. Your blog looks fresh and clean! Visiting you today from Messy Marriage!

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    1. Aw, Mary, you're so sweet. I do appreciate your compliments, because I'm trying to update my blog to look current and clean---I'm SO not a tech person (which is one of the things I complain loudly enough for the prince to overhear and come rescue me...why I can't just say, 'I need help' is beyond me...fodder for another blog perhaps?) so your comments validated my efforts-thank you! I think sometimes we expect our spouse to "fix" all the broken emotions, the past hurts by someone else, and when they don't because they can't, we become angry. And thanks for noticing my absence! I was working on some deadlines, so I needed to take a break, but I'm back and hope to be linking up with the new Weekend Whispers (I hope I got that right).

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  6. I think I need that kind of vacation too, but not rushed and by myself. I need some lying down with nature. :D

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  7. I hope you can get it, Lux! And I hope you lie down with nature by choice, not the way I did it!

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  8. Okay. You made me laugh out loud.

    As I scrolled down your verse slide, I thought it was all very spiritual until I got to the wording at the bottom!

    Oh, how I need to shut my mouth when I am not "still!"

    Came over on Blessings Counter, and I'm glad to find your site.
    I "Liked" you on FB and pinned your slide here: https://www.pinterest.com/melredd/blog-link-parties-and-blog-link-ups/

    Hope you have a blessed day~
    Melanie

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    1. Thanks for pinning, liking, scrolling, and reading! I'm glad I made you laugh. I love writing all kinds of posts, but my favorite are these kind, where I can share my silly antics and encourage others through humor.

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  9. oh dear, there was a lot I could relate to in this story! I tend to twist ankles and fall down almost every time we go for a hike/walk and I'm both embarrassed by my clumsiness and disappointed that my prince didn't rescue me in a romantic, fairy-tale way. After many years of marriage, we are still learning about balance too. Glad to be your neighbor this week on The Weekend Brew!

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    1. Thanks, Kym. I think we hold on to that fairy tale for far too long, and it only serves to cause dissention, discord and disharmony in the marriage. satan's greatest tool. God's gift to us is to be able to let go of expectations. Sometimes it's so hard! Thank you for visiting.

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  10. Gorgeous saying and photo. Thanks for the excellent post on how to find balance in our marriages! Linked up with you at Sunday Stillness -- hope you'll stop by Saved by Grace for a visit!
    God bless,
    Laurie
    http://savedbygracebiblestudy.blogspot.com/

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    1. Thanks, Laurie. The picture is of the (now defunct) quarry I work in. I get to look at this beautiful lake and quarry walls every day. Thanks for visiting.

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    1. Thanks, Denise. Thanks for taking the time to visit.

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  12. Funny story with much truth Mary. Enjoyed reading this.

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  13. Hi again ;o) Actually, I would really love to share this post on the Ruby blog this week, even before we get all the details worked out. May I have your permission to share this as a guest blog post? Let me know and I'll plan on posting it on Wednesday. So glad I found you! ;o) Nina

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  14. It was very useful for me. Keep sharing such ideas in the future as well. This was actually what I was looking for, and I am glad to came here! Thanks for sharing the such information with us.

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