Saturday, October 10, 2015

The Joy of Squashing a Fantasy

Remember when you were a kid and you pretended that you were a rock star or a famous actor or (if you were a boy) Superman?

Remember singing into your hairbrush?

Remember having complete conversations with yourself in the mirror or just sitting in your room?

I confess...I still do that. 

Okay, I don't sing into the hairbrush because I've had ample opportunities to sing with a microphone. I've even owned a few. So I just sing now sans pseudo amplification. 

And instead of the mirror, I just talk to myself in my car. Somehow, looking in the mirror and having a conversation with yourself is cute when you're 9, but when you're a woman "of a certain age" and you get caught doing that you could find yourself in a nursing home. Everyone has Bluetooth built into their cars these days, so people just think I'm talking on the phone. Every now and then I throw in a laugh, or I pause in my conversation to give the illusion that the other person is talking.

Okay, so I'm exaggerating--a little. 

But because I love The Voice so much, I confess that I sometimes fantasize about being a contestant. I would most likely choose Pharrell--that's assuming that I get a 4-chair turn. Otherwise, I'll take whoever turns.

The other day was one of those days. I was driving to work trying to think of the perfect audition song for me. Something Carole King, Carly Simon, James Taylor, Linda Ronstadt-ish. Maybe You've Got a FriendSo I started singing that one---over the worship music that was playing in my car! I didn't even turn it down. Just tried to ignore it.

But since it was 6:45 am, and I hadn't warmed up (because this audition was so sudden!) my voice was hoarse, and it cracked. I realized I'd blown my chance. No chair turns for me. That's okay. I'm just thrilled I got this far! 

This is when they all turn around at the end when the sad, Aw, so sorry, but you didn't make it music comes on, and Adam says, "You're so cute! What's your name and where are you from?" 

I tell them and then offer my age, and they all act so surprised because they thought I was maybe 35 at the most. They offer me some tips to perfect my performance and invite me to come back-definitely come back-next season.

I had a good laugh. Because it is a harmless fantasy really. 

Or is it? Why do I even go there? 

Because deep down, I want recognition. Admiration. Adoration. Validation. Even though I have plenty of people in my life who love and accept me, I want someone--someone of great importance--to think that I matter. That I'm super fantastic incredible wonderful--even though lots of people in my life already think that; even though I'm secure in who I am and whose I am.

Do I REALLY want it from mega-stars who will fall from popularity if they don't keep trying to top their game, or do I really want it from the only One who can truly give it to me--unconditionally? The One who won't give up on me when I fail to perform perfectly. The One who doesn't fail to turn His chair around even if my voice cracks. His chair is always inclined toward me. He never turns His back on me. He already knows my worth and value. I don't need to prove it to Him. And He doesn't wonder what I look like or who I am when He hears my voice. He already knows.

Suddenly, the worship music filtered back in to my head and flooded my senses. And made my silly time-wasting fantasy so very pointless. 

Because these words, this song--the one that "just happened to be playing," the reason I sing at all--filtered into my spirit, down to the core of my very being. THIS is what matters---Jesus.

(Brian Johnson's Sea of Crimson-from Bethel Music's "We Will Not Be Shaken")

Look at some of the words to this song:

On that cross of Calvary 
Every burden has been defeated-
Every wretched heart redeemed
You drown our sin in seas of crimson

Hallelujah! Death is beaten
Christ has risen from the grave
Hallelujah! It is finished
All to You the highest praise.

Suddenly, my focus went from how wonderful I am to how wonderful He is! 

You've Got a Friend became I've Got a Savior. 

I was transported to a place of indescribable joy that cannot match any earthly joy.

My validation, my acceptance, my recognition--the adoration and admiration I long for (even when I think I'm not longing for it) is found in the One who drowned my sin in seas of crimson.

The One who reigns and rules over the entire universe thinks that I am super fantastic incredible wonderful. No matter what. He thinks that I matter. No matter what. So much so that He offered His Son--Himself in payment for my debt of sin. 

That is something worth singing for.
That is something worth singing about. 
That is Someone worth singing to. 

By the way, when I viewed Carole King's  You've Got a Friend video, I was captivated by the fact that this is what Jesus sings to us!

Blessings Along the Path,

sharing this blog with some of these lovely bloggers and with Write 31 Days

This is part of the Write 31 Days series. Click here to read other posts about Intentional Joy!


  1. You are so good. Love your stuff. Cracking up over your image of a nasty Jersey girl. LoL. Love you, friend!

    1. Kathy, that was from Annie, when I played Miss Hannigan. We did a special appearance at a town festival. I was singing, "Little Girls." Somehow, it all just seemed appropriate. Thanks for your ongoing support and encouragement! Love you dear friend!

  2. It's interesting - I've found when I get lazy about reading my Bible or praying and sharing with God, these types of daydream-like escapes happen. Fortunately He snaps me out of it :) Thank you for sharing!

    1. True, Carrie. Very true. Thanks for visiting.

  3. You got my chair to turn around and look and listen to you from my FB wall when I saw your graphic! I knew you were up to something funny and, of course, profound, Mary! Love your authenticity, girlfriend! We all want that attention, so keep on looking to an audience of One! ;)

    1. Thanks for turning, Beth. I love that-that's great! Funny, we think that we're the only weirdos out there, but everyone is self-focused. It's human nature. That's why we need to clothe ourselves with the nature of God.

  4. I remember singing to the bathroom mirror in my "star" days too. ha. Now I just want confirmation that I did a good job cleaning the house. ;-) But yes, you're right that all the affirmation we need is found in our acceptance in Jesus Christ. Who could have ever guessed? Thanks for sharing this moment with us.

    1. Ah, well, I pay someone to clean my house now that I'm a star. (I do actually pay someone because I work full time--I'm really not a star may have already guessed that).

  5. Hand raised! I know I am guilty, especially in my younger days of desiring recognition and wanting to be famous. Now, I love it when I get approval from my peers, But as you so beautifully put it, we only need it, "from the one who won't give up on me when I fail to perform perfectly" Linking up with you on #wordswithwinter

    1. Oh, but as women, I think we always want that approval from our peers. Ugh! When I really think about the fact that I want approval from someone else who wants the same approval and who doesn't have her act together any more than I do, it seems ridiculous!

  6. You've hit on an important topic here, and one that Christians do well to be aware of: we have a natural thirst for glory. Isn't it amazing the way God redirects our gazes - and our desires for glory - toward Him if we just allow Him to? Thank you for sharing so thoughtfully with us at Grace & Truth!

    1. Thanks, Jennifer. I like how you put it-we have a natural thirst for glory. Maybe it's because we were made in His likeness? Something to ponder.