Well, on a scale of one to ten, I'd give myself about a five.
I discovered that it's impossible to ignore numbers. I didn't quite make it through the third day.
Hubbles and I decided to take a hike after work yesterday (Day 3). By the time we got home from work and decided on where to go, it was almost 5:30. There was a smaller section of a larger trail in our town that we'd never hiked, so we decided to try it. The only problem was that we didn't know how long it was or how long it would take. We estimated about 4 miles. That was doable before dark.
How could I "fast" numbers? Basically I was trying to ignore them. But if you set out on a hike in the woods a few hours before sunset, ignoring numbers is just plain stupid. How would I sound if I had to call the ranger for help?
Imagine this scene: We're in the middle of a dense forest, and the sun is quickly fading. Before we can return to the car at the trailhead, we are plunged into darkness. Naturally, we've forgotten to bring flashlights or headlamps. Mary decides to call the park ranger (she just happens to know the number).
Me: Hi, we're out here somewhere and I'm not sure where. Can you come get us? It's dark, and we can't find our way back.
Ranger: What time did you set out? How long have you been hiking?
Me: I'm not sure. Time was irrelevant. We've been out for awhile. I'm not really at liberty to put a number on it.
Ranger: (long pause).
Me: Are you still there?
Ranger: Yes, ma'am. Uh...what are your GPS coordinates?
Me: I don't know.
Ranger: Look on your phone (Ranger proceeds to tell me how to do that).
Me: I'm sorry. I can't. I'm fasting numbers.
Ranger decides it would be best to leave the crazy woman in the woods for the night.
I do not suffer from OCD. In fact, I don't obsess over numbers. I obsess over certain things, and I'm not even sure it can be called obsession. Sometimes I dwell on them too long. Think a little too much about them. Like the bank or credit card balance. Wishing I had just a little more in one and a little less in the other. But thinking and wishing won't make money appear or get the card paid down.
Making wise choices with money will.
Turning off the clock on my run was great because it showed me that I'm too hard on myself. A performance mentality fuels my competitive nature, but I needed to realize that it's not a race and I'm don't need to compete with myself. There is nothing wrong with my being competitive. It's how I'm wired. But, like money, I need to use it wisely.
When I no longer enjoy something, and it's become work, I know I'm out of balance.
The decision not to weigh myself was a good one--a practice that I'll continue (or maybe discontinue would be more appropriate). I realized that I am afraid of gaining back all the weight I worked so hard to lose, so weighing myself daily gives me a (false) sense of security. But even my doctor told me, "It's not about numbers. It's about how you feel. Your body will know when it's hit its goal weight."
She was right. Focusing on the possibility of failure only invites fear.
Numbers can thrust us into bondage or they can motivate us, keep us accountable (pardon the pun), and help us to stay on track. Numbers are necessary and helpful. As with anything, we can become obsessed if we allow our mind to get stuck.The key is balance.
Knowing what is good and beneficial.
You say, "I am allowed to do anything," but not everything is good for you. You say, "I am allowed to do anything, but not everything is beneficial."
Romans 10:23 (NLT)
Oh, and if you happen to go to the Kay Environmental Center where the above sign sits, please don't mention my name to the park ranger.
|Kay Environmental Center, Chester, NJ at sunset|